Mizunderstood

I'm a bit of a control freak.  And yes, I have a BIG mouth.  But I also know when, and how, to keep it shut, to get what I want.  See, if you didn't already know this about me, then obviously we haven't been "busted" together for anything...yet.  But I'm passive aggressive.

Wow, I just feel so free now that my secret is out.

If someone tells me how to act, or not act, I will deliberately, but quietly, do the opposite.  Tell me what to wear or not to wear, and I may just show up with no clothes at all.  Tell me to be quiet, and well, we all know how that will end.

 I can't help myself.  It's like life is a game, and I would like to see what I can get away with...not in a malicious or even devious way.  But just to push the limits a bit.

Which sometimes leads to getting kicked out of concerts.  Or pissing off my boss.  Or saying things that leave my friends, who haven't ingested as much alcohol as I have, like they want to crawl under the table.  I have this tendency to make "rule followers" feel really uncomfortable.

As I tasted wine recently with good friends, and then proceeded to refill my own glass, (which is totally taboo), my girlfriend nailed it.  She said, "Michelle, the reason you get away with so much, is because most of the time, people just don't know what to do with you."

Case in point, y'all know who I work for.  LOVE IT.  Don't love all the bureaucratic BS, but LOVE my members!  They are the reason I go to work.

Every year, there is a meeting where there is some sort of "cruise ship" theme, and the employees are supposed to dress up.  Like in a cocktail dress.  To be with other women.  Eating salad.  On a Sunday afternoon.

You know what?  The first year, I followed the rules.  But when I found out there were NO cocktails, NO open bar, and NO disco ball, I'm like, WTH?

So, the following year, KNOWING full well, that I would be presented with an award on stage, I showed up in a tank top, jeans, and a pair of my best flip flops.  My team cringed, as I strolled up to the podium to receive my award in front of hundreds of other "cruise ship" dressed employees, by my boss, who donned her best Sears outfit, complete with sparkly blazer, and shiny pumps.

So it's really no surprise that I got kicked out of the PINK concert.  There I was, minding my own business, when 2 of my girlfriends and I spotted some family members sitting about 20 rows closer to the stage.  A drunken field trip is what ensued, with my ass sitting in the aisle, as my girlfriends sat upon the laps of my aunt and cousin.

 By golly, what do you think happened next?

BINGO!  An usher came and escorted my 2 girlfriends up and out.  They got up, and went willingly.  I, on the other hand, was in the market to buy some time.  I just kept saying the same thing to him over and over.  "This is my family.  This is my family.  This is my family,"  as I thought to myself, I would like to see this 4 foot 9 inch leprechaun, move my 5 foot 11 inch drunk ass, up and outta here in my mini skirt and stilettos..  I certainly wasn't compliant, but I also wasn't an out right beeyatch. I just sat, immobile, mumbling, quite possibly resembling someone with severe learning challenges who was dressed like a hooker.

Finally, I made my way back to my seat with some "help".  Shortly thereafter, the cops showed up and proceeded to show me the door.

This wasn't my first run-in with the POlice, nor am I sure, will it be my last.  I recall a few years ago on my birthday an incident involving glitter.  As I stumbled down Los Gatos Boulevard on my way to the Blackwatch, I noticed two of LG's finest out in front of Mountain Charley's.  I stopped, and said, "It's my birthday, would you like me to glitter you?"  as I held out a powder puff full of sparkles.

"No thank you," they replied in unison.  You know what I did?  I ran that powder puff down their forearms as I dashed away.  And I do believe that I was once again, wearing a short dress and stilettos.

Hmmm, I'm noticing a pattern here.  Something about my clothing choice and having issues with the police.  Gosh, I can't wait for my next event when I get to dress up!