An Apple A Day: Total BS

Remember when Rocky Balboa was training to fight the Russian, Dolph Whatever the Hell His Last Name Is? I'm talking like, Rocky IV.  The Italian Stallion was "getting stronger" while running beside draft horses in the heart of the Cold War.  Rocky did some CRAZY-ASS training in that movie.  The visual of Sylvester Stallone pulling full grown trees behind him through 5 foot snow drifts sticks out in my mind.  And we hated Dolph's movie wife:  Briget Nielsen.  With her short, blond pixie cut, and perfectly sculpted Iron-Woman shoulders.   Those damn Russians.  But Rocky won!!  And after becoming victorious, on Russian soil, I might add, he belted out from the ring, "ADRIAN, ADRIAN...I did it for you ADRIAN!"  Even though, all the while, Adrian was back in America.

Don't fret:  I am going somewhere with this.  I'm Rocky and I'm doing battle with The Russian, ie: all of my health stuff.   I feel like I'm training for the fight of my life.  Along with all of my regular "Mama / Wife / WW Leader" responsibilities,  I am supposed to keep myself healthy.  Where's the time, man?  Where's the time?

You probably get your teeth cleaned every 6 months, right?  Not me:  I have receding gums.  I have tooth sensitivity.  I grind the hell out of my niblets.  Therefore, I have a regular dental cleaning every 4 months.  I bet your bottom dollar, by the time I'm 45, I'll be in there every week.  I love my dentist, but when she puts that damn camera in my mouth so I can see what she sees up on the big screen, I seriously want to cut her.  I want to shout out,"YES!!  I BRUSH TWICE A DAY!  YES!!  I FLOSS TOO!!  I don't know why there's so much plaque and tartar build up...(sniff, sniff) I'm just so tired, Dr.Ra.  I'll see you next week when you fix that CRACKED tooth 'cause I GRIND."  I should just leave my check book at that place.

Exercise?  No problemo!  But going to see my O.B. for my regular pap smear?  Not so much.  Don't get my wrong:  I love Dr.C.  But I can think of about 1 million other things I could do with my time, than having her inspect my cervix with her gigantic eyelash curler-looking, speculum.  I mean, I JUST had a BABY a YEAR ago.  Didn't they do I Pap while I was in labor?  C'mon, let's knock this stuff out people!!

I also need to have my skin checked.  But Kaiser make you see your regular doctor FIRST, so that doctor can then refer you to a Dermatologist.  I feel like I need to go into that initial appointment with an Oscar worthy performance, convincing her I have Melanoma.  All... so she'll refer me.

You'll be proud to know I set up both my OB and Oscar performance for the same day next month.  It only took a year of me thinking about it to actually come into fruition.  During that year, by the way, yet another health issue has presented itself: a varicose vein has seemed to  pop up on my OTHER leg.  So guess what?  I had an ultrasound for that yesterday.

I have an appointment to find out the results of that ultrasound with Dr.Hot next week.  And I'm hoping to God he says that there's a blockage or something life threatening.  Well, not really.  But I want that sucker GONE, and Kaiser doesn't do "cosmetic" surgery.  CURSE YOU Kaiser!  I may just have to go for 2 Oscar worthy winning performances.  I must convince Dr.Hot that my life is in jeopardy so he removes that vein.

Which reminds me, I need to have my eyes checked.  Maybe I can knock that out on the same day.  I'm just so tired, (sniff, sniff), so tired.