Not Enough Time In the Day

I have been feeling a lot of pressure lately.  Pressure to get it all done...from putting a hot breakfast on the table in the morning, to fitting in a work out, to attending basketball for the twins, to helping Emma make sure she has her Science Fair project completed.  Throw in the extra holiday festivities, food shopping, laundry that never ends, and taking on 2 new meetings at work.  Yep, I'm feeling it.

Speaking of work, Weight Watchers moved to a brand new facility in El Paseo, and guess who led the VERY first meeting there?  Yours truly.  And guess who was there watching my every move?  My boss.  And  you know what?   I bombed!  And that's being polite.  I floundered around the meeting room, unfamiliar with my new surroundings.  I struggled with the lesson information.  At one point, I even said, "I feel a bit dizzy.  Is it hot in here?"    I couldn't even fake it.  I just had an off morning.  I left feeling defeated, and beating myself up.  "That was stellar, Michelle.  She's probably wondering if you're even qualified to do this job.  You should have been more prepared.  You KNEW that stuff."

Fatigue.  Pressure.  Anxiety.  Shit, I need some Antivan...isn't that the happy pill that takes the anxiety away?  That's what I need!!  Or am I just making up medication names?

Anyhow, raise your hand if you feel like there's never enough time in the day.  


The topper of today was this:  I dropped my iphone, and it smashed into a thousand pieces.  MY FAULT.  I misplaced the bottom of the case about a month ago, and thought, "It'll be fine.  Pay 40 bucks for another case?  The phone is mostly protected...it'll be fine."  After talking to the nice Verizon phone insurance person  for 45 minutes, I was informed that my new phone will arrive via UPS, tomorrow.  I will be purchasing a case for it, pronto.  Lesson learned.

I know I should be "in the moment"...and thankful...and non-stressed. But sometimes, well sometimes, my perspective needs some fine-tuning.  Which is exactly what happened tonight.

Usually on Tuesday evening after I work, I go out and watch a movie.  All by myself.  And eat a medium sized  popcorn with butter in the middle AND on top.  All by myself.  But please don't ask me how many Points it is, because I don't have a clue.  But I can assure you:   it's A LOT.

Indeed, going to a show and inhaling a God-awful amount of buttered popcorn is a guilty pleasure.  But tonight, no movie.  Mama too tired.  Too many chores at the homestead calling my name.

As I walked through our front door, I found Tom finishing up with the dinner dishes.  I hadn't quite made it alllll the way into the kitchen,, when Emma came bounding in.

"Mom, you know the Adopt-A-Family for my class?"

In my mind, I was processing this information but kept my mouth shut. I thought, "Hey man, I got a gift for Cosette's Adopt-A-Family, so we're covered here.  Don't ask me to BUY anything else, or DO one more thing."

"Well Mom," Emma continued, eyes beginning to mist over, "the baby died, Mom.  The baby that was growing in her tummy, died, Mom.  It was their 4th child."

For a moment, I couldn't breathe.

"Oh honey, that is just so sad.  Come here Em."  She sobbed into my chest as we embraced.  I whispered, "Emma you know that their baby is with God, now.  It's okay.  But it is really sad, huh?  We can pray for their family Em, ok?"

"Okay Mom," she said, looking sad, and worried.

As Emma hobbled out of the kitchen to brush her teeth, I looked at Tom and said, "Well THAT sure puts it into perspective, doesn't it?"

He nodded in agreement, while saying nothing.  It was too much to take in.

 Life is precious.  So why am I so fucking worried all the time about getting it all done?  Big picture:  Appreciate my blessings.  Love deeply.  Recognize the nuggets of wisdom and joy as they are sprinkled on my path.  Pick them up.  Hold them.

And REMEMBER them...especially when I feel like there's not enough time in the day.