Be

As Cosette and I embarked on an evening stroll after dinner one night, out of sheer curiosity, I inquired about fourth grade, "So, how's school going Co?"

"Oh Mom," exaggerated sigh,  "my teachers love me!" Cosette explained without apology.  I stifled a laugh, and asked, "Hmm, Cozy, why do you think that is?"

A nano second of thought passed, "Well, Tommy and Katie went to Booksin back in the day.  Then the twins were next, and Emma followed in their footsteps, and the teachers loved them.  It's like this Walsh Legacy..." she trailed off for a moment, and then came back, "so you know, I got to keep it going for Charlotte."

Before I could even comment on her genuine display of kindness in regard to her younger sister, Cosette brought her thoughts to full disclosure, "That way, when Charlie rolls in, since she's the last one," Cozy threw her arms up in the air to really make her point, "she can just screw it all up."

True story...help me.

On a different night, on a different walk, with a different daughter, Abigail, the oldest of our tribe (but only by 15 minutes to her twin, and only because the doctor asked me to stop pushing, you know, so they could just "check" Bella's position...CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  I'm like, "Hey Doctor-man, I got my game face on, pushing out babies and what not, and you want to do an ultrasound to check 'BABY B'?  I'll tell you exactly what position Baby B is in:  she is straight up laid out on a lounge chair, relaxing pool side, holding a Pina Colada in one hand and a People magazine in the other, because her womb mate, who had been secretly eating all of her Organic peanut butter for 9 months, clearly labelled with HER name,  FINALLY got a  job, and moved OUT."

Sorry.  What was I talking about?

Oh yes!  Abby, who is matching me in size, inch per inch, and pound per pound...but like, she's waaaaay cuter :)  I love these after dinner strolls because it is prime one on one time with the girls.  I get to find out the deets of life, with no other sisters chiming in with their opinion.

Here are some things that humble me regarding this child in particular:  although Abigail tore her ACL, and fully understands she will be off the Basketball court for up to a year, her attitude is positively amazing.    Case in point:  the surgeon explained to Abby, she needed to be off crutches at least one week prior to surgery (she walked into his office on 2 crutches).  By the time we left a mere 30 minutes later, she was already practicing walking on just one, and kept saying as she paced the halls of Kaiser, "I'm so proud of myself, Mom".

Fast forward two weeks, she's off crutches all together. Her surgery isn't for 3 more weeks!  In the same week, her range of motion in the injured knee, has gone from 90 degrees to 138 degrees!

Give Abigail a challenge, and this kid sees an opportunity to  rise up every single time.  It humbles me.

But when the topic turns to getting her driver's permit, something she really doesn't feel particularly motivated to do, a different side of Abby, but one that's just as true, emerges.

"Mom, why am I going to worry about driving?  I mean, being in a car, that could like kill another person, while I'm driving it, sort of freaks me out.  Why should I go through all of that, when Bella can just drive me around?  Or you and Daddy?  Plus, I won't have to have to pay for car insurance, or gas!"

See?  See how the eldest thinks?

Abby knows darned well that Bella was the one poking and prodding about the online driving permit course.  Abby knows that Bella is hell bent on getting her license, so life doesn't pass her by.  And you know Abby's like,  "I'm just gonna ride on your coat tails, younger twin sister by 15 minutes. And yo, give me a ride.  And no, I don't have any gas money."


Although I see Abby's point, it is not a vision I shared as a 16 year old back in the mid 1980's.  As a teenage girl, with my big bangs, and my ability to make poor choices, driving represented straight up FREEDOM!

Freedom to leave parents in the dust, telling them we were going to the movies, when in actuality, we cruised around looking for cute boys. or cruised into a Taco Bell to eat a Bean Burrito, or cruised over the hill to Santa Cruz, looking for cute boys AND Bean Burritos.   (Dad, in case you're reading this, I  just heard about other teenage girls engaging in this irresponsible behavior, I never participated).  Okay, maybe once.  Or more than once.

But Abby's not interested in driving, cute boys, or bean burritos.  Not one single bit.  At least, not yet.

And all of these children, are the main reason, that in the wee hours of the early morning, while the  girls still slumber, I start each day with prayer: like a lot of prayer.   Mainly, for survival purposes.

The offspring understand that if they do rise up, and happen to wander back into our bedroom, (the prayerful/meditation place, depending on whether I'm talking to the JC, or Dee Pak Chopra is guiding me, reminding me that I'm okay just the way I am, and that the Universe is totally on my side, and the like), the girls are not allowed to disrupt the Zen by even uttering a word.

So last week, when Charlotte stumbled in, still half asleep, donning wrinkly Ariel pajamas, curly, red haired bed head, and missing a handful of teeth, she just crawled up into my lap and didn't dare make a sound.

And within a matter of 10 breaths, we were one, she and I.  Inhaling and exhaling, we were just together, as Mama and daughter.  Our embrace reminded me to just be ...before the day really got rolling, while life was still quiet and the sun not quite risen, to just be.  Before I embarked on a run to get a work out in.  Be.  Before I called Booksin to tell them Cosette was legitimately absent a week ago, but I just remembered yesterday.  Be.  Before I returned a knee brace purchased for Emma, but didn't provide adequate support.  Be.  Before changing all of Abby's pre-assigned morning PT appointments at Kaiser, because apparently they think she's a grown woman, who has accrued paid sick leave, not a Sophomore in High School prepping for Finals, who can't miss school.  Be.


 Be is this moment with your toothless 5 year old.  Because you will never have this same morning, in this same place with this same child, again. Ever.  

The Zen was broken with Dee Pak Chopra telling us to "release the mantra", but he doesn't really have to remind me, because I usually forget the mantra 2 seconds after I hear it....SQUIRREL.

It was then, Charlie exhaled calmly, gave me a little squeeze, hopped off my lap, before getting dressed for school, and said, "Snuggling always makes me feel better, Mama."

The feeling is totally mutual Red.  Thanks for the reminder :)