There are a few "Universal Truths" floating around out there that I would like to address. In my humble existence on this planet, we call Earth, I have found out one really significant thing. NEVER believe what ANYONE tells you because they are LYING.
Lie Number 1: Marriage is Easy.
Do I really need to expand here? I mean, I don't want to pop the bubbles of those out there who are engaged, or newly wed...but I'm going to. Marriage is A LOT of work. If you want to LIKE your spouse and continue to stay married to them, that is. No one ever told me that. At least if they did, I was like, "whatever".
Remember that blessed event known as your wedding day? The day that was solely devoted to YOU and your spouse? Where family and friends gathered to support and love you? Not to mention, score a free meal, and drink like fish from the open bar, all at your expense?
I've discovered the days of having it be all about me, are long gone. When kids enter the mix, it only makes your marriage, how shall we say, more interesting. Like anything, marriage can become monotonous. Marriage can lead you into this fantasy of living happily ever after, only to discover, that you and your spouse have begun taking each other for granted. Exhibit A:
Courtship Conversation:
Her: Hey baby, I can't wait to see you tonight.
Him: I know. Me either. I'm counting down the minutes.
Her: Oh Snookums, I'm going to attack you with my love.
Him: Not if I attack you first.
Marriage Conversation:
Her: What time do you think you'll be home tonight? (Implication: so I can hand off the kids and get a break?)
Him: Ummmm, it just depends. I might have to work late. (Implication: so I can skip bath and bed time help with the kids, because I'm wiped out).
Her: Oh, okay. (Implication: you will not be having sex for the next 24 months).
Him: (In his head, "I am SO getting some tonight.")
You know, Tom and I have only been married for 12 years, but most days it feels like 120. One thing is for certain though: our love has grown deeper with the passage of time. Because let's be honest, that courtship fantasy phase ends the minute you get married...and realize...you will be...with this person...for the rest...of your life.
If I have learned anything about marriage, it's this: we turn OFF the TV and actually TALK to each other every night. Do I want to do that all the time? No. But, I want to stay married, and I realize that communication is key. And having fun with each other. And great intimacy...I'll stop talking now.
Lie Number 2: Raising Kids is Easy
Please see my previous blogs regarding this subject.
Lie Number 3: I Can't Lose Weight Because "Fill In the Blank Here."
I'm hypoglycemic. I'm hyperglycemia. I'm in menopause. I'm not in menopause. My great-grandfather came over on the Mayflower, and we have this condition that makes it really hard to lose weight.
Here's the reason why folks like this continue to struggle with their weight: they are "stuck". This is truly what they believe. And until they TURN OFF that internal BS, and tune into the POSITIVE THINKING channel, they are doomed. Because really, it's not about (gasp) the food we ingest. The food, just happens to be the drug of our choice. And oh, what a sweet choice it is. I finally learned, as I would reach for a 2 pound box of See's candy, to ask myself, "What am I really hungry for?" Is it See's? Or is it validation? Or maybe stress release? If I came back to See's, then I gave myself permission to have a piece.
Here are some tips I have learned from losing and maintaining my weight: tracking my food is helpful for awareness. Moving my ass is imperative to my sanity. And not depriving myself is key. I mean, we all have our weakness: I had to give up drinking during the week. Now, I just binge drink on the weekend. But you guys know what I'm trying to say here.
Let's love and honor ourselves on this journey, shall we? Right where we are. Flaws, imperfections and all. Let's realize when we make a mistake, and learn from it vs. beating ourselves up. Cause if we keep following others and what they do and say, we lose sight of ourselves. And our voice. And our choices.
Yay for self-discovery.
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