Okay, so I need to come clean with something. I've been grappling with this for awhile now. It makes it difficult for me to fall asleep at night. And left wondering...what is this world coming to?
There is a mom at the Cabana where I take the girls. Let's call her "I Want to Kill You When No One is Looking". Oh wait. That's not really very nice, is it? Well, she is the one that represents the severity of the situation I am referring to.
Allow me to break it down for you.
Glorious 85 degree day at the Cabana Club. Big girls playing Marco Polo. Swollen prego mama putting her feet up for a moment. Cosette floating in an inflatable tube, having the time of her life.
And then it happens. The unthinkable.
This mom comes over to my Cozy, and says she needs the tube back for her son. Okay, I get that, IF Cosette had the tube for longer than, let's say, 60 seconds. So of course, Cozy gives back the tube happily, and the mom proceeds to hold onto it. Like it's a nugget of gold.
Does the son even float on it? NO. Is he really even interested in having his tube back to PLAY with it? NO. He wanted his tube back because my daughter HAD it. And his mom doesn't want to deal with the fit he will pitch if he doesn't get it back NOW.
Therein, lies the problem. I see the above as a "teachable moment". All kids, including mine, have a hard time when someone else wants something that belongs to "them". But this is where WE come in. To teach them to share. To teach them, that this is what friends do. To teach them, that we will help them learn this process so they become better people.
Call me crazy, but this is how I would have handled it, if Cozy was freaking out.
Cozy: NOOOOO! That's MY tube.
Me: Well, friends share. So he's going to have a turn on your tube. And in five minutes, you can have a turn.
Cozy: NOOOOOO! It's MINE.
Me: Here are your choices: share your tube, or get out of the pool. What are you choosing?
I'm not making this shit up. Ask anyone of my friends and they will tell you, "Yes, that's exactly how Meanie Mommy Michelle would handle that." What I don't get, is why it appears to be F'ing Rocket Science to some other folks.
After that mom took the tube from Cozy, I made it impossible for her to not feel me staring at her. I was mad-dogging her. I was angry. But I also decided, for the best interest of all concerned, that I had to let it go.
Then it happened AGAIN...on Cosette's birthday. Not only did she take her tube away from Cosette. During adult swim, as I floated on 2 noodles that the girls had found lying around, the son pitched the fit of all time. You wanna know why? I had one of his noodles.
The mom looked at me. I glared right back. She had to make a decision...take on big 'ol prego, or listen to her kid whine. She chose the later.
So now I have a strategy. The next time, she decides to bring toys to the pool that she doesn't want to share, I will float in all of them. Every last one. Let's see how she handles that.
Is the general social protocol that members share items like tubes? Does the club own the tubes etc. and leave them out for common use? Does Cozy bring water play items like tubes and let anyone use them if she does not want to?
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. If common practice is that members share and share alike with anything not in use, them a-hole mom is being a jerk.
Idea: Get 3 or 4 "extra" water toys for Cozy to bring. Then she could offer one of them directly to the BOY with jerk mom. The high road. Cozy (with prompting), "Hi, Billy, I'm not using this now, do you wanna play with it?*cherub smile*" Also: you could say to jerk mom, "Hey, Cozy wanted to bring all these water toys today, so if Billy wants to try one out, I think Cozy would be fine with it. I want her to learn about sharing. Sometimes that is hard for little ones!"
Take the high road, if you can, in your current hormonal state. The most important lesson here may be how mama handles jerk mom. As a teacher and group home staff person I think sometimes the most possessive kids were trying to use things to make up for what they didn't get from people. Like affection, feeling important, and even personal power. Maybe jerk mom is super controlling and her son wants some sort of power. Power in the good sense, like "I can make some choices of my own..."
As to the mad-dogging... idk. Cozy needs to be able to hold her own, and she probably needs to see you defend/protect her interests. Shift into the old teacher mode/voice? I can still dredge that up from time to time when dealing with a rude employee or customer service (!) fool on the phone; lower voice, speak more slowly, em-pha-size each syll-a-ble. Ha! Ask your husband how Sr. Margaret used her very very quiet voice!
Then too you could just hold jerk mom's head under water for a bit. No wait, not a nice lesson...
;-)
Steve K in Boulder Creek
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I have indeed seen Michelle use that technique. It's simple and it works because she backs it up: you don't want to choose option 1? - you get option 2.
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