Best Halloween...EVER

Okay, so I know it's not exactly Fall time right now. In fact, we are not even close to dressing up or picking out costumes. But I feel the innate need to share my tale of a Halloween past, 2009. It will be marked forever in my memory as the best, and the most fun Halloween ever.

After much soul searching, my friend Alyson and I decided that our costumes needed to include one necessary accessory: alcohol. And so what better way to REPRESENT than with German beer maidens? I wanted to envelop Helga, become one with her short dress and beer stein, speak her native dialect, yaaaaah? So, while volunteering at school, I hounded one of my daughter's classmates who just happens to be...you guessed it...German! Cute as a second grader can be, I explained to Hugo that I was dressing up like his mom for Halloween...he just smiled with his adorable blue eyes, and his head cocked sideways. I hammered him for information on German phrases. How do I say please? Thank you? More beer?

My husband even donned Lederhosen to keep with our theme...that's a man who's truly in touch with his identity right there. A keeper, indeed.

If you recall, Halloween was on a Saturday this past year. Well, you know what that means...the party starts on Friday...and start it did.
Neglecting to eat dinner that night, we hit it really hard at The Boulevard Tavern where our friends played in a band. And finally staggered in around 2:30 in the morning. Yeah, I don't need to tell you how that ended.

Waking up in a foggy haze, head pounding, bile collecting in my throat, I realized I needed to buck up and focus so I could detox and cleanse my system for the upcoming day's events. It was now Halloween...THE day we had waited for. And we were all hungover. Oh, sweet irony.

After forcing my former bff, Alyson, to go on a hike, and carving half-ass pumpkins with the girls, we began to prep, to yet once again, get our groove on.

As Alyson morphed into "Gretchen" in the bathroom, much like Linda Carter turns into the icon Wonder Woman, I approached her with a bottle of wine. "No, I can't do that right now," she said. "Sorry, what did you say Chico State graduate?" I replied snarkily, already holding a wine goblet of my own. "Okay, but only an inch to start with."

Well, it didn't take more than 30 minutes for that inch to manifest into a tumbler of wine, and Helga and Gretchen were in da house.

Just around that time, a family from school, (which was not Hugo's) arrived at our house so that we could all enjoy the magic of trick or treating together.

Imagine the visual of Gopal, the Indian engineer, super smart, NASA dad, as I walked into the kitchen dressed as Helga, the beer-wench in my micro mini. His exact words were, "Oh wow..." spoken in his distinct accent. Rose-Marie, his engineer NASA wife, was very sweet, but certainly not dressed up. Now these parents had no problem drinking our wine, but I just don't think they were prepared when we took the kids out, and I would stumble up to many of my neighbors, stating, "My stein is empty!" like it was a federal offense. Fulfilling their neighborly duty, however, each would tap us off so we could continue our journey. All the while, Gopal and Rose-Marie stood in the background, not really sure what to do.

Around 9 o'clock we made it back to the house, and put the kiddos to bed. By this point, I'm sure Rose-Marie and Gopal were vowing they would not be having anymore "family time" with the Walsh's in the near future. We bid them adieu and prepared for Chapter 2: a party around the block, who's flier indicated "Competitive Wanted for Beer Pong". Those were the only words I needed to hear, and it was SO on.

Not wanting a repeat bile-vomit session like the night before, Alyson, my niece (who had just turned 21, and had no costume), and I all inhaled some leftovers from the fridge, and away we went. To the neighbors. Who I did not know. To play Beer Pong.

The first party goer I encountered was a rather tall man, standing robustly about 6'2 or so, dressed as the cutest Girl Scout you ever did see. He had a blond wig, with several badges that decorated the sash he wore across his chest. It was clear from the beginning that the Girl Scout took his character role playing seriously, as s/he made sure all the other party-goers knew and fully understood the Beer Pong/Flip Cup rules.

Before I could say, "My stein is empty," I was engaged in a relay style drinking game which involved slamming a beer and flipping a cup upright...only when that happened could my teammate then slam his beer and flip his cup...it's an art really. All the while, your team is racing the team across from you, screaming obscenities and yelling things like, "NOT SO HARD...GENTLY! YOU ARE THE FLIP CUP WHISPERER! YOU'RE TAKING FOREVER!"

Have you ever heard of an ice luge? Well neither had I, and I attended the very prestigious Chico State, for crying out loud. The Flip Cup losers had to line up at this giant block of ice with a path carved into the top of it, and take a shot. Not very HINI savvy, but the Girl Scout was pouring the alcohol, and rules must be enforced.

And so we did what all good, rule following party going folks would do: opened up wide and took a vodka shot that had been marinated in Skittles...yes, the candy. The Girl Scout kept going on and on about this special Skittles concoction like it was a rare, fine wine from the South of France. After my first sip, I was sold.

My niece couldn't seem to get enough of the candy flavored vodka. I tried, with all of my beer wench might, to pry her from the evilness of the luge, to no avail. I knew where this was going, and quick, but decided that as long as she could walk fairly well, it would end up being a "lesson learned" on her part. I kept tabs on her, as she would come and lean on me, while Gretchen and I talked with other partyers.

I appreciated how these other party goers took their persona's to heart as seriously as Gretchen and I had. We encountered Garth from Wayne's World, Brett Michaels (the dude looked EXACTLY like him), Max from Where the Wild Things Are, as well, as a real actual Wild Thing. At 2 am, when my niece could no longer really walk, Superman even walked us home.

When all was said and done, it took me about a week to recover from Halloween 2009. I felt glad and sad to see it finally come to an end. And all of this leaves me thinking one thing: What, oh what, will I dress up as this year?