Things That Chap My Hide

My personality pretty much speaks for itself. I am an optimistic, motivated, overall, pretty darn happy person. Do I get down? For sure. Am I ever a biotch? Hell to the yeah. Do I become Mommy Dearest out in public more than I'd like to admit? You better believe it. I have blogged mostly about positivity thus far.

Now, I want to talk about the things that piss me off. So here goes:

1. Whiners, Complainers, and Excuse-Makers. GET OVER YOURSELF. You are suffocating the rest of us with your negativity. Stop your whinen' and complainen' because frankly, YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!

Example Numero Uno: the glorious sun is out and shining. You know what Wendy the Whiner says? "I can't beeeliiieeeve it's soooo hooooot. I don't even have air conditioning. I can barely mooooove. I'm not even sure how I'll make it out of this alive."

You wanna know what my solution is to a heat wave? Sunscreen, a pool party, and a keg of beer,baby.

On the flip side, when it starts to rain, Wendy whines, "It's soooo cooold and wet out there. I can't find my umbrella. Oh bother...I guess I will just sit in my house in the fetal position until this crazy storm lets up."

My solution to a rain storm is: a blazing fire, a great book, and a bottle of wine.

You know what whiners and complainers? THE REST OF US COULD CARE IF YOU LIVE OR DIE. I, for one, am damn tired of you people trying to put out my brightly shining flame!

2. "At-Home" Moms Who Have a Nanny. I guess I had the wrong job description when I signed up to RAISE my kids. Which in turn, also means, going out to a restaurant 2-3 times a YEAR, camping = vacation, and gladly accepting hand-me-downs. I guess my morals are fucked up. I have to stop myself from naming this person. But I find it comical when she acts "stressed out". What the hell do you have to worry about? You have someone ELSE wiping snotty noses, cleaning poopy diapers, and dishing out Spaghettios, while you're hanging at Santana Row. WTF? NEXT...

3. Closed Minded Folks of the Religious Sort. You guys know who I am referring to. These people come from all religions, but share one similar characteristic: the belief that we, heathens, will burn in the eternal pit fires of hell. Why? Because we don't believe just as they do. Shit, I don't even believe in hell...I wonder what happens to a person who is supposed to be fearful of going to a place that doesn't exist? Many of these religious psychos also believe that God only sent ONE prophet. Only ONE great prophet? I am so down with learning from all great prophets and ascended masters; men, women, hetero, bi, homo, Chinese, Latino, Jewish, Muslim, and Catholic. You name it, I'm open. But according to them, I'm going to hell. Oh well, I guess I'll see you all there.

4. Only a Pour During Wine-Tasting. I HATE this one. I know, I know. We shouldn't be getting loaded while we are simply "tasting" wine. But we have all had that moment while taking a sip, and suddenly, we're transported to another planet. It's then I want a GLASS OF THIS DELICIOUS STUFF. No can do...no buying a glass of wine in the tasting room. It's "against the law". We must buy an entire bottle, which I'm not against, by any means. But sometimes, just sometimes, I go to a happy place in "Michelle World" where I can buy a glass of wine. And drink it through a straw.

5. Parents Who Give Their Little Brats Whatever They Ask For. This is the parent who always seems totally overwhelmed by their child/ren. "Nellie is just sooo much work. She's just a busy body." NO...actually, Nellie is a pain in every one's ass because you NEVER TELL THAT CHILD NO. When Nellie doesn't get what she wants, she creates a scene, and wears you down, ALONG WITH THE REST OF US WHO HAVE TO ENDURE IT. So, hey Clueless, I have an idea: give your kid up for adoption, because you're hopeless.

Whew. Okay, I am done venting. I feel much better. Thank you for sitting on the couch with me for awhile. And please, feel free to share with the rest of us, what chaps YOUR hide!