Bribery

In no way, shape, or form, am I beyond bribing my kids teachers on the first day of school. I need to set the precedent for a good year, you know?

You wouldn't believe how much mileage a Bath and Body works hand soap, in finely wrapped tissue and matching ribbon will give you! I'm not beyond it. And I will gladly say the word bribe loudly: BRIBE! BRIBE the damn teachers, I say!

But why stop there? BRIBE the office staff! How about the Principal? She's fair game! And don't forget the Assistant Principal. I can't say I buy Christmas gifts for all of my family members, but THESE people are NEVER forgotten.

Why, you may ask, do I feel the need to do this? Simply put, I trust these people with my most prized possessions, on a daily basis. From their teachers, to the school librarian, to Mr.Johnny, the custodian, each one has the power to impact my girls in one of two ways: positively...or not.

And so walking into my daughter's 504 evaluation, with warm muffins from my oven, sends a message loud and clear: "I am at your service. I appreciate all that you do. I understand that you are working hard, and I am doing my best to support you at home. I get that the assholes from the School District are threatening to take your job because of test scores." ACK! This is right around the time when I also say I would have brought red wine instead of muffins, but...

I'm not talking anything extravagant. Because that is not really the point at all. Whether it's brownies, or hand soap, or muffins, I just want to make sure I check off that box, you know?

I may be mistaken, but I like to think it makes a little, tiny difference. If I can make that path just a bit more smooth for my kids, why shouldn't I? And if I can show the teachers that I have their back, why shouldn't I?

Do you think bribery is a Mortal sin or a Venial sin? I'll ask Father John the next time I see him. But for now, who cares?! How can something that feels so good, be wrong?