Princesses and Polly Pockets

Polly Pockets are the work of SATAN. Seriously, have you seen these things? The dolls themselves, are smaller than, let's say, your index finger. And so of course, the clothes they wear are even teenier and tinier. When my 4 year old asks for help dressing her Polly Pocket, I have to do one of two things: pretend like I didn't hear her, or start drinking earlier than usual that day.

Having four girls in my house has been, well, interesting. You think, being one of the species myself, I would get this whole Pink/Princess/Polly Pocket obsession. But, in actuality, I'm kind of a Tom Boy at heart.

As a kid, I played with Barbie, but then I would go climb a tree. I doted on my dolls, but then frolicked in the creek catching tadpoles. I was "in touch" with my feminine side, but then played in the mud.

Unlike my girls, I also loved sports from a young age. Imagine my horror, when after signing up the the twins for soccer, I looked on to see them doing Broadway show moves in the backfield, completely oblivious to where the ball was, or gasp, what they would do if the soccer ball actually came towards them.

I guess I just never thought having girls would be... quite like this. My friends who have boys, swear I have it easy. "My boys are so violent. They just GO for each other."

But I beg to differ. Let me tell you what I have to endure on a daily basis, and YOU be the judge.

Dress Up: it starts as early as age 2, and initially, seems quite innocent, even sweeeet. But when your daughter will only answer to the name Cinderella, and refuses to exchange her glass slippers for Crocs to go to the Trader Joe's, THAT is where I draw the line. Not to mention the fact, my kid was just fully clothed 2 seconds ago, but now that the dress up is out, it's like a scene from Girls Gone Wild... underwear optional!

Pink, Purple, OR ANY HUE of those 2 colors: I AM SICK OF THESE COLORS. I want to paint my girls rooms BLACK and BROWN. How bout a Raider's theme? Sounds good! How about WW Wrestling theme? (I don't even know if I spelled that right) YES, sign me up. Anything, anything, ANY color that emanates dirt, and grime.

Drama reenactments, accompanied by full singing recitals: if I have to endure watching my girls act out ONE more scene from the "Barbie the Princess Diamond" or "Barbie and Fairytopia", or "Barbie the Island Princess", I'm gonna jump off the bridge, man. The most important roles (ie: Barbie) usually go to the older girls, of course. While the youngest ends up being the dog or cloud or tree in the scene. I wouldn't mind it so much, if my kids weren't so freaking LOUD. AND if the pink and purple dress up didn't come out! Sometimes they even make invitations for their show, and without my knowledge, INVITE THE NEIGHBORS!

See how rough I have it? I know, it doesn't sound that bad, but seriously, it's like Chinese Water Torture. I'm craving VIOLENCE... I'm jonesing for some rough housing, black eyes, karate chopping, and like my husband did to his 2 brothers, dropping bricks onto their heads just to "see what would happen".

Okay, wait a minute, that might be a bit more than I bargained for. Maybe I should reconsider... But I swear to God, as my witness, as I type this very blog entry, there is a drama reenactment going on down the hallway from "The Sound of Music".

SAVE ME!