Well, I successfully accomplished all 3 of those in the last 24 hours, in my follow up visit with Dr.Hot. See, I'm going to Vegas in April for a friend's 40th birthday, and I need to have that garden hose removed (ie: my varicose vein), so I can rock the short dress. I DO have priorities, you know.
So I had an appointment with the good doctor, but as usual, was in a HUGE rush leaving the house with baby in tow. Anyone who has ever tried leaving the comfort of their own home with a new baby, knows that the preparation is like planning a trip...abroad...for 3 months.
You are forced to ask yourself things like...Do I have diapers? Do I have wipes? Do I have an extra bottle? Am I wearing clean underwear?
See, I forgot to ask myself that last question, and remembered that I wasn't wearing ANY, as I pulled into the hospital parking lot. I started to panic a bit.
But then I came up with a plan, while changing into the hospital gown. If I tucked the gown neatly between my legs, just so, and didn't move one inch, he'd never notice.
My plan was working perfectly, until he walked into the room, and greeted me with a hug.
I didn't budge...he'll have to stoop down to hug me, I thought. Which he did. So far, so good.
For those of you not familiar with Dr.Hot, please read my previous blog. The conversation that ensued went as follows:
Dr.Hot: So let's take a look at that vein, Michelle.
Me: Can we do that while I'm sitting down, since I'm holding the baby? (see, I was using Charlotte to cover my back, so to speak)
Dr.Hot: Um, okay. (I hold up my leg like a ballerina...a ballerina who isn't very flexible, wearing a chastity belt, with a hospital gown tucked between her legs).
Me: I also feel some pressure in my groin area.
Dr.Hot: Let's look.
Me: Let's look, like right now? Can't you just kind of take my word for it, and we'll leave it at that.
Dr.Hot: No Michelle. I need to look at it.
Here it comes, here it comes, I thought. I have to warn him. I'm just gonna throw myself under the bus right now.
Me: Dr.Hot, I'm not wearing underwear.
Dr.Hot, totally unfazed and professional: Okay, let's take a look.
I let him look briefly, as I turn all shades of crimson. And then I have an epiphany: it is WAY better to NOT know your doctor when he's looking at your parts.
Now I'll share something with you that I normally don't tell anyone. I feel extremely self-conscience about it, and it embarrasses me, so that I wear a swim skirt to cover it. But I have a fatty cyst on the bottom of my right bum cheek. So I figured, if Dr.Hot is cutting on my right leg, maybe I should have that knocked out too, you know?
Me: I also have a cyst that I would like to have removed.
Dr.Hot: Okay, where is it?
All new shades of crimson appear across my face, neck and shoulders.
I tell him. He wants to look. I agree, reluctantly. I swear, I felt like I was 12 years old.
Me: Dr.Hot, this is just awful. I'm very embarrassed here. Is this really necessary?
Dr.Hot: Since there will be three incision sites, do you want to be sedated?
Me: Yes, sedation sounds great. (how about you sedate me RIGHT NOW? or shoot me?)
Dr. Hot says he'll set up the procedure for January.
And all I can think of is: Dr. Hot totally saw my parts. Like ALL of my parts. That was mortifying. That was AWFUL. I just ate a huge slice of humble pie. This will be a blog.
ah you were at the docs so it really its all ok. It's just weird that you know him so well so that's why its so embarrassing.
ReplyDeletepoor Tom.
ReplyDelete