Low Standards and High Hopes

Like many, as we begin week 3 of Shelter in Place, it feels like Groundhog Day.  We are left to make our own flexible routines, but still grasping to feel somewhat productive.  This is what I have realized:

1. A loose routine works for our family.  I have learned to leave in the morning to hit the trail, releasing any expectations I have of my children. I realize that Tom and I have laid the foundation, and at this point, we need to trust that these 5 girls will be responsible to navigate this new norm without micro-managing them. We have a few standards, but they are rather low at this point.  For example, Charlie's are: Brush hair and don clean underwear. These low expectations ensure everyone feels like a winner:) 

2.  We are walking through grief, not only as individuals, but as family units, within our communities, as a nation, and as an entire world.  Our lives have been stripped of all non-essentials, and left us with ample time to ruminate of what could have been.  What should have been.  I allow myself to dabble in the grief, feel it, and then move through it.  I know that if I stuff the dark cloud of despair and helplessness, this beast will manifest in my body in an unhealthy way.  And so the ugly cry serves as a release.  And sometimes, so does vodka.

3.  Self care is non-negotiable.  For me, that is daily meditation and prayer, moving in nature, and getting enough rest.  Giving myself permission to take care of me first, allows me space to walk with Emma, a Senior, who will most likely not have a Prom or graduation ceremony.  It gives space for Abby to vent about how her college has cut all athletic funding, and she has lost her athletic scholarship.  She is now looking for a new university to land in the fall.  And Bella, who is struggling with where she will go to school next year.  And Cozy...and Charlie...and Tom.

4. I am trying to remain grateful, but at times, it is difficult.  It is then I am reminded, we have our health, our steadfast faith, that our tribe is messy but united, and I know I am being molded to be of service to others.  It is then, I exhale, and say, "We are okay."

We can do this, but it will have to be together.  The irony is that social distancing is keeping us physically apart.  But you see, we are connected on a soul level. 

And nothing, not even the god damn COVID 19 can take that away.

If you are feeling lost, depleted, or without direction, please reach out to me at myvillagewell@gmail.com

You are not alone, dear one.

Life During Lock Down

Well guys, there is just no way around it: life for all of us has literally changed overnight.  As we have walked through week one of Shelter in Place, and are beginning week 2, I have made some interesting observations.

1.  A Family Meeting saved us from killing each other.  You may want to circle back on week 3 to see who's still standing, but currently, we are moving around one another is a somewhat respectable manner.  Tom and I asked the girls:

What are the silver linings you are seeing in one another right now?
What is working for you, and where do you need more support from us, as your family?
What does having a Routine/Schedule look like for you now?

Their insight was spot on, and I highly recommend setting the time aside to do this.

2.  Tom and I lost our shit in front of our kids before online church.  True story.  We agreed to gather as a family and "go to Mass" in our living room on Sunday at 6 pm, which is the regular time it starts.  Except this time, when we started, Tom was upstairs.

The conversation sort of went as follows:
Tom: "Why did you start without me?  This feels disrespectful."
Me: "We said we would start at 6 pm.  But when I mentioned this, you went upstairs to do 'work stuff'.  I felt like you dismissed me, which also felt disrespectful." 
Both of us: "Oh...so we both felt the same thing."
Me: "Moving forward I think it's important that we all know what time we will gather for church on Sunday."
All: "Sunday at 6 works."
Girls: "Are we gonna do church now?"

Our best moment as a married couple? No.  A real moment as a married couple? Yes.  

3.  I have witnessed more people running in the hood than ever before. Considering it is definitely different than running on a treadmill, I would like to give you big kudos! Elbow bump.

4.  Bella gave Cosette a haircut and took 10 inches off.  It looks cute.  But the good news is that if shit went sideways: Cosette would have many weeks of isolation to grow it out.  Emma led a Yoga class in our backyard for her sisters.  Charlie has taken to writing notes and leaving them on the porch of our neighbors, who also have young kids.  They are doing sort of a ding dong pen pal dash exchange. It's really sweet. 

5. I have given myself permission to create a routine that may look different than it used to, and that's okay.  And I hope you are giving yourself the same grace.  Being in one space with our tribe has been both challenging and rewarding.  The home has been filled with more laughter and shenanigans in the last week, than the last year in its entirety.  

And although things are most definitely uncertain, I know it my heart, we are okay. Not we are going to be okay.  But spoken in present ...we are okay.