Mama, Do You See...

Hey Mama,

It's been a little over 3 years now that you have gone Home, but I still think of you often, especially as our girls hit milestones, and drop truth nuggets for me to fetch, and learn from.

Mom, did you know that Abby continues to astonish and humble me with her old soul wisdom?  We were walking on the beach a few weeks ago, when she and I noticed a group of folks fully dressed, playing in the sand and surf.  The men donned dark denim jeans and long sleeved shirts, while the women made sand castles in long skirts and bonnets covering their hair.  This group of folks were having an absolute blast, squeals of joy could be heard from far away, and the only difference between them and us was this:  we had on bathing suits, and they were wearing clothes and bonnets.

 Abby inquired, "Mom, do you think it would be okay if I asked about their faith and culture?"  I said, "Yes, honey.  They would probably love talking with you." (they might try to convert you, but it's all good :)

Abby has this beautiful transparency about her, curious to know what these folks were about, without judgment.  And then she dropped this truth bomb:  "You know what I think, Mom?  That the true key to loving others, is seeking to understand them."

Mom, do you see how Bella is stepping into her own path, knowing intuitively she wants to attend a Jesuit college because she is seeking a faith community that will support her?  (Tom and I will have to rob a bank, or live in a trailer down by the river, or both).  Did you see her sing with the choir at Mass on Sunday for the first time?  Do you see how she throws her head back, and smiles from cheek to cheek, while giggles escape her mouth when she's laughing?

Mom, do you see Emma full of FIRE and a burning desire to DO THE RIGHT THING?  Do you see her standing her space, with her 100 lb self, but emanating the size of an elephant?  Do you see her Mom?  Strong, and steady, honest and full of spark?  Do you see her wanting to play Lacrosse, and do Speech and Debate, but also try Journalism?  Do you see her organizing and rallying the twins to take a sister "Pilgrimage" to Nicaragua next summer with the church?  She's already saving money for the trip.

Do you see Cosette, with her quick wit and funny expressions, always trying to make us laugh?  Do you see how she's starting to fill out and become a young lady?  The rolling fog of childhood has begun to burn off, and just whispers remain now.  But do you see how she's still quick to hug anyone who's breathing and break out into spontaneous fits of laughter?  And how she volunteers to walk the neighbor's dog, not for money, but just because?

And do you see Charlotte with her red hair, streaked with blond, from all the swimming this summer?  It hasn't turned green like mine use to, Mom.  Thank goodness.  She reminds me of you sometimes, Mama.  I wish she would sit still long enough for me to count her freckles that sprinkle across her nose, and splash onto her cheeks.  But alas, she's onto the next thing... Barbies, Lego's, snuggling with Bo, driving Cosette bonkers.

And do you see how when she's feeling a bit tired, she hunkers down, finds a quiet spot on the couch, or out back in the shade, and she reads her chapter book?

I wish I could speak to you  about all of this.

More times than I care to admit, I am overcome with emotion, and tears of immense gratitude well up from inside of me, and find the pathway down my face, because I feel so incredibly blessed.  I stand back, and cannot believe how lucky I am to help mold these daughters.

And I wait with excited anticipation to watch how they will leave their mark in the world.  I just wish I could talk to you, Mama.

 And you could tell me what you think about all of this crazy, loud, lovely, and beautiful chaos.

Are You the Temple?

So if you don't legitimately think I'm crazy already, this blog entry will most likely solidify that belief.  Please read with caution, and if at any point, you feel as though I was a witch in a former life, rest assured: I do, too.

A week ago, I received a phone call while standing in my kitchen making vegetable soup.  It was an unknown number from back east, (you know, a cold call,  a telemarketer, a call I would never pick up).   Quite surprising, even to myself, I answered, and a woman with a thick Indian accent, asked, "Is this the temple?"  I answered, "Um, no.  I'm sorry, this is not the temple."  I hung up, and reverted back to chopping onions, and sauteing garlic.

My mind flashed to earlier in the morning, when I had received yet a different call from back east, that I had not picked up.  Out of curiosity more than anything else, I decided to call it back.

When it was picked up, I said, "I received a phone call from you earlier?"

 Although a woman had initially answered, (a woman who sounded eerily similar to the woman I had just spoken with a few moments prior-temple woman), the phone was quickly handed to a man, with a thick Indian accent who inquired, "Who are you?"

"NO-who are YOU?" I fired back,  feeling protective, and unsure.  Sensing my alarm, he calmly explained that he and his wife were coming from Chicago to the San Francisco Bay Area next week, and had been searching for Hindu Temples.  That is when they found my phone number.

"MY number was listed for a temple?" Hmm, I thought, confused.  "Yes," he said with a deep laugh, "But after hearing your voicemail, we understood that we probably had dialed incorrectly."  (code for when I heard a white woman's voice, I pretty much figured wrong number).

I wished he and his wife safe travels, and we hung up.

Then I did what any paranoid, crazy middle aged woman in my situation would do:  I googled "San Francisco Bay Area Temples" - and lo and behold, that's when I saw it!  A Sunnyvale temple with a very similar phone number to mine...he and his wife had just switched 2 digits, and got a hold of me.

 Instead of like... a Holy person :)

I called my new friend back in Illinois, and explained what happened, and he thanked me very much. Before we hung up this time, I let him know, if he needed anything while out in California, just give me a ring.

Truth be told, for most of the Inauguration week, overwhelming feelings of anxiety and worry had starting creeping into my thought bubble.  But as I stood in my kitchen, chopping celery, I received a message.

 It was simply this:  you ARE the temple.  The light shines in you, and in ALL.

Wow God, I totally did NOT see that coming.  Nice work.  I became calm and more centered.

Later that evening, I posted on the FB Women's March in San Jose, that I felt very proud my daughters and I would be walking with many others that Saturday.  The same artist who is famous for Obama's HOPE poster, had just completed some new artwork.  And in the post, I included 3 pictures of his inspiring, patriotic and symbolic expressions of all races.

And then it happened: in the first few minutes, there were 10 likes, then 100, then over 1,500.  It was exciting, but scary.  The post started getting shared,  I became fearful because I clearly stated that my daughters and I would be marching, and now my name was out.

 I felt like a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  I certainly hadn't expected this response, but at this point, I couldn't take it off.  All of the reactions were kind, and full of excitement, except one.  A hateful troll said, "This is what you're promoting", and it was a video of a very violent protest.

 Immediately, I removed it, and blocked the troll.

But the paralyzing fear came back, and enveloped me in full force.  I felt like I had no way of protecting my tribe.  Paranoid questions bombarded my mind like teenage girls flocking at a Justin Bieber concert...relentlessly.

What if the March turned violent?  What would my reaction be?  How could I teach the girls to remain peaceful, even if they felt threatened?

I would just like to clarify: I didn't see violence erupting from a Trump supporter or Hilary supporter.  I was caught up in Mama Bear mode.

Then it happened...as my stomach twisted up in knots, and my brow furrowed with worry, my phone rang.

I gazed at an unknown number from the Bay Area, and picked up.

That is when I heard, yet a different Indian woman's voice ask, "Is this the Temple?"

Meekly, I answered, "Um, no.  This is not the Temple, but (sigh), let me give you the correct number."

It was like God was playing Whack a Mole with me.  Michelle didn't quite get the memo the first time with the nice Indian couple from Chicago.  I've got to pull out the big guns and drive it home.

The message was clear this time:  fear not.  I would never put you or the girls in harm's way intentionally.  Seek to understand others.  You are the Temple.  And so are your daughters.  And so is each person you come in contact with.  Spread light and love.

Message received.

And then God did a mic drop :)