Mama Tired.

You know how you have these chapters of motherhood that are just relentless?  Like one kid takes a turn, and then just as you come up for air, a different kid takes a dive. 

And you're like, "I was just catching up on Game of Thrones.  WTF is happening?"

Yeah, I'm having one of those spells right now.

 A loving friend just recently told me, "Wasn't it just a little easier when a juice box and a stroller ride could fix everything?" 

Yup, what she said.

When the girls were just wee littles, Mama was physically exhausted.  As they have grown, and matured, and morphed into the amazing women they are becoming, I am overcome with mental exhaustion.

I know and understand full well, that I do NOT have control over an outcome for my children, only my reaction to the situation.  Being a WW Coach, I also know and understand that I must take care of myself.  Easier said sometimes than actually done.

Shit I do for Self Care

*Pray

*Meditate

*Journal

*Exercise in nature on the daily

*Surround myself with positive folks who have my back

*Call a friend, rant

*Try to fuel my body with nutritious food

*Drink alcohol at the end of the day with my husband (sorry, not sorry)

*Pray

*Try really hard to stay in gratitude

And yet, still this motherhood feels heavy.  Like I'm wearing a cloak of lead, running a marathon.  I'm only on mile 3 man, and an unexpected storm has rolled in, and started to pelt me with rain.  I'm drenched and full of fatigue, while my lead cloak keeps sliding off, and I'm not sure how I will finish.  I've got a rugged 23.1 more miles to go. 

And then, I take a breath, and know I am not the first mother to experience anxiety, worry, frustration,  and/or wringing of the hands regarding my offspring.

My dad describes this part of parenting so on point by saying, "You are only as happy as your most unhappy child."  Yup, what he said.

Truth be told, these girls do not belong to Tom or myself.  They were given to us by God.  And well, I'm thinking perhaps there is a plan that I know nothing about.

I must trust that.  Fall back into that.  But oh my God, it's so hard sometimes.

Without going into any details, (for what little privacy they have left), I would like to humbly ask you for a little favor: please hold our family up in prayer, please hold us up in  unconditional love and grace, without judgement or speculation.

With gratitude, and thanks.

Amen.