I was parked on the couch, Charlotte nursing lazily before her mid afternoon nap, and I had this moment of clarity: THIS is what life is all about.
It was like one perfect moment of time, when I was aware and fully present to what was happening around me.
As I gazed out my front window, I watched our two little Japanese Maples sway in the warm,, September breeze. Have you noticed the slight difference in the weather these days? A bit cooler in the morning and evening, but still warm and pleasant in the afternoon. No, Fall hasn't arrived quite yet.
But Summer is starting to pack up, like most of us do after a full day at the beach. First by collecting and shaking out sandy towels, then by clearing the garbage from the cooler, next searching aimlessly for flip flops, before finally, gathering exhausted, but content, kids to hit the road for home.
Yes, Summer is on its way out. And the Earth smells like hope. A fresh beginning. A new chance.
I held that babe tightly, knowing full well, she won't want or need me in this physical way for much longer. With my feet propped up on the coffee table, I observed Cosette swinging back and forth, methodically on our tree swing. Pumping herself forward, feet pointed out strong and stiff, and then back, feet pulled towards her bum. Back and forth, back and forth. How many times has Cozy swung like that, and I haven't noticed? Today I noticed.
Emma sat at the kitchen table, sucking a strawberry smoothie through a straw for snack, while contemplating her homework. Emma, with glasses perched on the tip of her nose, and loose braids dangling at her shoulders, which had been tight that morning. Self-motivated Emma, wanting to get it all correct, and leave no answers blank. How many times has Ms. Emma been overlooked by the sheer size of our family? Today she was not overlooked.
We have invented this thing called "Family Fun Fridays". But what it should really be called is "We're Too Tired to do ANYthing but Lay in the Fetal Position Fridays". It turns out that the girls are just as exhausted, if not more so, come Friday, than Mom and Dad. It's like, we all let out a collective sigh of relief. Whew, "we made it through the week."
On Friday, there is no rush through homework, to get to dinner, to take a shower, to read, to get to bed, because we have to do it again the next day. No. Friday represents, eating a leisurely dinner, while watching Charlie try to catch those darn rabbits out back as they scurry just out of her reach. We have been ending our Fridays cuddled up on the couch, taking in a movie together, while munching on home made popcorn.
Last Sunday, we took an amazing hike through Henry Cowell Park in the Santa Cruz mountains. As we descended beneath the protective Redwood tree canopy, and hit the trail that follows the creek, full of gorgeous green ferns, and rocks that have been there since the beginning of time, Bella blurted out, "THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED, MOM. I just needed all this...GREEN."
I looked at her, nodding my head in complete agreement, and said, "Me too, babe. Me too."
It got me to thinking, this one moment of clarity, it did.
How much time have I wasted in the past planning, talking, or worrying about the future: which could be the next 5 minutes or the next 5 years? And how much time have I wasted spent in regret over what didn't go right in the past: which could be the past 5 minutes, or the last 39 years? So I've come to a decision: ENOUGH OF THAT WASTING TIME, BUSINESS.
God whispered into my ear today, and do you want to know what he said? "Pssst...hey Michelle, pay attention. THIS is what it's about."
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Debauchery
As I made my way to my old college stomping grounds recently, I approached the bridge where Chico State students flock by the hundreds on any given weekend, to lazily tube down the Sacramento River. If it's a holiday weekend, like 4th of July and the like, the number turns to thousands.
"Oh gosh, that just isn't safe." I said, somewhat under my breath.
"WHAT? WHAT isn't safe, Mama?" Emma inquired.
"Well, tubing down the river is dangerous enough. There are snags, and trees that are under the water that you can't see when you're floating on top. But what is really unsafe, is that the kids drink alcohol while they're doing it," I explained.
Long pause.
"Did YOU do that Mama?"
Fork in the road: do I tell my kid the truth, or lie like a no-good, sinner?
"Yes, Emma. I did it, but I made a mistake. And I would NEVER do it again."
"Well, Daddy says he makes 10 mistakes everyday. So it's okay Mom because you learned from it."
Thank God kids are so forgiving. It's that parental balancing act of being honest to drive the point home, but not throwing it all out there when it's unnecessary. I like to think in time, when the really tricky situations arise, (drinking, driving, premarital sex, smoking the gange), the girls will feel comfortable coming to Tom and I.
But that's probably wishful thinking on my part isn't it, parents of teens? ISN'T IT? You're laughing at my ignorant stupidity, and flashing forward 5 years to the girls saying, "YEAH, let's have a KEG PARTY. Mom totally floated down the river LOADED."
Case in point: I found myself at Scotty's by the River this last weekend. For those of you not familiar with Chico, Scotty's is a bar/restaurant that is literally right on the Sac River. It's a terrific place to go and chill, listen to some music out on the patio, and basically catch up with friends over a few cold beers.
Tubing in general, requires a vast amount of PLANNING. A party needs one car for drop off at the start, and one car at Scotty's, Washout, or somewhere in between. Although I have heard of some folks who stop at Beer Can Beach, and never make it out.
Now I have tubed down the river in the past, but NEVER partook during a holiday weekend. I should have known I was in trouble when we passed Chartered buses, taxis, and limos, venturing to pick up the wet, sun burnt, tipsy tubers.
Highway Patrol cars and sobriety check points decorated the way. By the time we actually reached River Road, I was ready to turn back. Hundreds of college kids littered the streets and spilled into the agricultural areas, waiting for their rides home. Some were piling into Honda Civics like clowns in a circus, complete with dozens of deflated tubes precariously tied on top of the vehicle. And still some approached me brazenly, "I'll give you 20 bucks for a ride home."
What I wanted to say was, "Ummm, no. You're wearing what's left of your wife beater and not much else, so I'm kinda thinking you don't have any money."
What I said politely instead was, "Not today. I have my kids in the car."
I won't lie when I say I was a bit worried that a large number of these people could have collectively rocked the girls and I out of my truck, and driven off with Charlotte still buckled in her car seat.
But that didn't happen because these young bafoons were too distracted by all of the sparkly, teeny, tiny sequined bikinis that were worn by 20 somethings, with 16 percent body fat. WTF? No wonder no one could walk straight. I'm still confused as to how those little girls could hold down a tube while perched on top of it.
Scotty's itself, while not deserted, was no where NEAR the scene that invaded the front. While Alyson and I sat out on the patio, the girls devoured greasy bar food, and basically, couldn't have been happier. We watched them "perform" up on a stage that wasn't occupied by any musicians. By 8 o'clock, it was time to go home.
But before packing it up, we encountered a young girl, who had been separated from her group. She was visibly shaken, cold, and completely sober. "Let us give you a ride home, okay?" I offered. She graciously accepted, while explaining, "I'm not a very strong swimmer, and this was my first time floating." Alyson and I sort of looked at each other with a "Thank God she made it out safely", expression.
Unfortunately, the sobriety check point had us idling like a concert had just gotten out, and we were at least 15 cars behind. All of a sudden, 2 dudes popped up over their backyard fence, and were yelling out directions that went something like this,
"IF YOU HAVE BEEN DRINKING, AND DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL, TURN LEFT HERE. MAKE A RIGHT, AND TURN LEFT AGAIN."
I just looked at Alyson, and said, "Only in Chico."
I wasn't worried about the check point, but I certainly wasn't going to sit in traffic at a stand still. And I'm happy to report that the alternative route was spot on.
I decided to stay an extra day in Chico, as I often find it hard to come home because I love it there immensely. After getting over my parental guilt of having the twins miss school, I chose to make it a "College Campus Tour Day". The girls and I rode our bikes through the most beautiful of spots, Bidwell Park. We then parked our bikes, and walked the campus. I took them into buildings where I had classes 15 years ago, and invited them to look inside the classes as Profs taught. We cruised through the BMU, and I showed them the Dorms. We even went into the library.
The highlight for me, was catching up with my mentor teacher from student teaching, Katy Early, during her office hours. We just dropped in, and there she was. 'Cause it's Chico. And people ride their bikes. And have a couch on their front porch. And swim in the creek. And cross bridges on their way to class.
And sometimes drink too much while tubing on the river.
But we have to make mistakes because according to Emma, that's how we learn. I have to say, some of my best mistakes were made in that little, po dunk, college town.
"Oh gosh, that just isn't safe." I said, somewhat under my breath.
"WHAT? WHAT isn't safe, Mama?" Emma inquired.
"Well, tubing down the river is dangerous enough. There are snags, and trees that are under the water that you can't see when you're floating on top. But what is really unsafe, is that the kids drink alcohol while they're doing it," I explained.
Long pause.
"Did YOU do that Mama?"
Fork in the road: do I tell my kid the truth, or lie like a no-good, sinner?
"Yes, Emma. I did it, but I made a mistake. And I would NEVER do it again."
"Well, Daddy says he makes 10 mistakes everyday. So it's okay Mom because you learned from it."
Thank God kids are so forgiving. It's that parental balancing act of being honest to drive the point home, but not throwing it all out there when it's unnecessary. I like to think in time, when the really tricky situations arise, (drinking, driving, premarital sex, smoking the gange), the girls will feel comfortable coming to Tom and I.
But that's probably wishful thinking on my part isn't it, parents of teens? ISN'T IT? You're laughing at my ignorant stupidity, and flashing forward 5 years to the girls saying, "YEAH, let's have a KEG PARTY. Mom totally floated down the river LOADED."
Case in point: I found myself at Scotty's by the River this last weekend. For those of you not familiar with Chico, Scotty's is a bar/restaurant that is literally right on the Sac River. It's a terrific place to go and chill, listen to some music out on the patio, and basically catch up with friends over a few cold beers.
Tubing in general, requires a vast amount of PLANNING. A party needs one car for drop off at the start, and one car at Scotty's, Washout, or somewhere in between. Although I have heard of some folks who stop at Beer Can Beach, and never make it out.
Now I have tubed down the river in the past, but NEVER partook during a holiday weekend. I should have known I was in trouble when we passed Chartered buses, taxis, and limos, venturing to pick up the wet, sun burnt, tipsy tubers.
Highway Patrol cars and sobriety check points decorated the way. By the time we actually reached River Road, I was ready to turn back. Hundreds of college kids littered the streets and spilled into the agricultural areas, waiting for their rides home. Some were piling into Honda Civics like clowns in a circus, complete with dozens of deflated tubes precariously tied on top of the vehicle. And still some approached me brazenly, "I'll give you 20 bucks for a ride home."
What I wanted to say was, "Ummm, no. You're wearing what's left of your wife beater and not much else, so I'm kinda thinking you don't have any money."
What I said politely instead was, "Not today. I have my kids in the car."
I won't lie when I say I was a bit worried that a large number of these people could have collectively rocked the girls and I out of my truck, and driven off with Charlotte still buckled in her car seat.
But that didn't happen because these young bafoons were too distracted by all of the sparkly, teeny, tiny sequined bikinis that were worn by 20 somethings, with 16 percent body fat. WTF? No wonder no one could walk straight. I'm still confused as to how those little girls could hold down a tube while perched on top of it.
Scotty's itself, while not deserted, was no where NEAR the scene that invaded the front. While Alyson and I sat out on the patio, the girls devoured greasy bar food, and basically, couldn't have been happier. We watched them "perform" up on a stage that wasn't occupied by any musicians. By 8 o'clock, it was time to go home.
But before packing it up, we encountered a young girl, who had been separated from her group. She was visibly shaken, cold, and completely sober. "Let us give you a ride home, okay?" I offered. She graciously accepted, while explaining, "I'm not a very strong swimmer, and this was my first time floating." Alyson and I sort of looked at each other with a "Thank God she made it out safely", expression.
Unfortunately, the sobriety check point had us idling like a concert had just gotten out, and we were at least 15 cars behind. All of a sudden, 2 dudes popped up over their backyard fence, and were yelling out directions that went something like this,
"IF YOU HAVE BEEN DRINKING, AND DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL, TURN LEFT HERE. MAKE A RIGHT, AND TURN LEFT AGAIN."
I just looked at Alyson, and said, "Only in Chico."
I wasn't worried about the check point, but I certainly wasn't going to sit in traffic at a stand still. And I'm happy to report that the alternative route was spot on.
I decided to stay an extra day in Chico, as I often find it hard to come home because I love it there immensely. After getting over my parental guilt of having the twins miss school, I chose to make it a "College Campus Tour Day". The girls and I rode our bikes through the most beautiful of spots, Bidwell Park. We then parked our bikes, and walked the campus. I took them into buildings where I had classes 15 years ago, and invited them to look inside the classes as Profs taught. We cruised through the BMU, and I showed them the Dorms. We even went into the library.
The highlight for me, was catching up with my mentor teacher from student teaching, Katy Early, during her office hours. We just dropped in, and there she was. 'Cause it's Chico. And people ride their bikes. And have a couch on their front porch. And swim in the creek. And cross bridges on their way to class.
And sometimes drink too much while tubing on the river.
But we have to make mistakes because according to Emma, that's how we learn. I have to say, some of my best mistakes were made in that little, po dunk, college town.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)