When mid March of 2020 rolled around, the Bay Area began Shelter In Place. Initially, it felt like a weird "break" from normalcy. But the longer it continued, we realized life as we knew it would never be the same again. Toilet paper was a hot commodity, and the news update was our touchstone. There were "runs" in grocery stores on rice and beans, and it began to feel like end of days.
A few weeks in, one of the people whom I love most in this world, Julia Blom, showed up in my driveway, and explained through tear rimmed eyes, "We had to close our restaurant." Rain bounced off the windshield, as I climbed into the passenger seat with her. With the car still running, and we both sobbed. She raged, I listened. Her backseat filled with food to drop off to others, because even when she had lost what seemed like everything, she wanted to be of service.
I bet you have a friend like this too.
Next, kids were no longer allowed to attend school. Everyone had a different response based on circumstance. Luckily, Tom and I have three older daughters who can manage themselves, and flexibility in our schedules to help our younger girls, Cosette and Charlotte if needed. But how would working parents juggle this? Our neighbors have FOUR children, a fifth grader, fourth grader, second grader, and Kindergartner. She and her husband both worked continuously from home.
When I thought I was having a rough day, I would just look over the fence, and check myself.
My biggest concern with the social distancing with the kids was their emotional well-being. It is difficult enough for adults walk through this: our littles, tweens, teens, and young adults NEED each other. They need their parents, sure. But they need their peers in so many ways, more.
Rent, mortgages, and bills still needed to be paid. Folks continued to work from home. Until, some, were not allowed to anymore.
On their way to a job, Tom's crew was pulled over by police on the freeway, and told to go home. That continued for seven weeks.
I started to panic: my anxiety pulled me back into the recession of 2008 when we filed for bankruptcy, and didn't know if we would keep our home. For over a decade, we worked diligently to NEVER be in that position again. We executed a tight budget, with little wiggle room, and made it.
And yet, here we were: no income for almost two months. During a family meeting, we explained to our daughters, that the college money we set aside for them, the funds we ensured were theirs for tuition, may need to be used for our mortgage. They listened, not quite fully comprehending, but also understanding that none of us could have ever prepared for the mind-fuck of a Global Pandemic.
Folks started to bring us food. Buying groceries for someone other than yourself, is such an intimate act: it makes you decide things like "Which type of bread would they prefer: wheat or white? 2% milk or 1% milk? Organic eggs or not? Tortilla chips or Ruffles?" It is an act of generosity and beauty all rolled into one. Each time a new drop would appear on the porch, our family felt so incredibly loved and held.
Little envelopes with cash inside mysteriously showed up on our doorstep. Generous gifts to our family that were never expected to be repaid. People wanted to love and support us, and what we needed to do to honor that, was to receive with open hands. It was incredibly humbling.
Spirit gave me a clear message that I was to pivot to online in Village Well with a gig called The Self Love Project. I arm wrestled God...I bantered, shaking my fist, saying "No one wants a PROJECT right now. We are in self preservation mode!" Stomp. Sigh. Huff and Puff.
Finally, I digressed, and asked 6 friends to step into the sacred space of gathering women to heal and restore with me. Without hesitation, they said yes, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Self Love Project bought groceries for our family of 7 for 7 weeks.
Fast forward, Self Love is scheduled with a new teacher every week from now until May 2021. You can't tell me God's not in the details.
Yet, our mortgage went unpaid for 3 months. Although my husband was unable to work, the bank expected us to pay this debt in full. Unbelievably, within one month of returning to work, we earned enough income to pay this looming amount of money in full. Yet, another miracle.
After learning that, like so many folks, we had to cancel our trip to Hawaii (which would have been the first time our entire family would have been on a plane together), my generous friend, Carrie, invited us to use their home in Oregon. What a gift. Time away in nature, and away from the monotony we have been walking through for close to 6 months. Another blessing.
Our three oldest daughters, worked at Athena Camps this summer, full time. They had jobs. We rejoiced, not just for them, but the founder, Aby Ryan, who is a god damn warrior and made that happen! The girls socked away money for college, and online shopping :)
So here we are, alongside you: grappling with distance learning, fires, social injustice, while trudging through this marathon known as the Pandemic. Oh, and let's not forget there is an election on the horizon.
Our oldest daughters, Abby and Bella, have moved away to colleges, sight unseen, and have begun classes. Independently, they both moved themselves: one purchasing a one way plane ticket to Wisconsin, the other driving herself to Irvine. They also set up financial obligations regarding tuition, to ensure they could each move forward on their paths.
Did I agree with these decisions? Heck no! Does it go against my primal instinct to protect my cubs from all harm? Yes.
But these are the type of young people who are going to pull us out of this Pandemic shitstorm.
Emma is working as a nanny, while she prepares to begin classes at De Anza in just a few weeks. And Cosette, will be attending NDSJ. Charlotte is plugging along, and really looks forward to her once a week play dates with friends.
This Pandemic has taught us this: we were created to be both givers and receivers, to lean into those people who love and support you.
We don't have to be strong all the time. That's why we take turns.
So go ahead, if you're feeling tired...lean on me. Today, I'm feeling good. Tomorrow, it will be your turn to hold me up, and I'll be ready for you.
